Waiting for Mathew..

“You can’t love Jesus directly”

Sister Brigit said. All students in the Sunday school got surprised by that statement.
I was lost in my world. I was keeping my nose close to my shoulder and smelling my new t-shirt. But this statement kind of made me also surprised.
“You can love Jesus only by loving others” Sister smiled. I saw a great relief in many of the student’s face. Alex poked me,I looked down,he had all new WWF cards in his hand. But it was very difficult to cheat Sister Brigit’s eyes, so I controlled my excitement to see the cards.

If you are not loving your neighbors, your classmates, or your teachers, you will never be able to love Jesus, Sister continued. All of a sudden a face came to my mind. I looked back. At the last bench, extreme corner I saw Mathew. There was gap between Mathew and Allan. Not only Allan, everyone kept a distance with Mathew.

Mathew was not loved.

Sister, what if nobody loves a person? I asked. Sister Brigit came near to me. Looked deep into my eyes, with a deep smile she replied “JESUS WILL LOVE HIM THE MOST”.I looked at Mathew again, it took some time for me to digest the fact that Jesus loves Mathew the most.
******************************************************
That was the third Sunday school class in that academic year, being in 3rd std made us all feel like grown ups.Many of us were excited about the first holy communions, the written exams we will be going to face for the first time, the pencils and sharpeners we are going to use and many more.

That day Sister Brigit didn’t come alone to the class, there was a dark thin boy with her. He had dry curly hair, he was inhaling so hard to control his running nose. His shirt was shabby, unlike many of us, he was wearing short trousers. His knee was much darker than his leg. He looked untidy and ugly. I saw wonder and dislike in many of my classmates faces, but he was all relaxed. He was not all looking at the class, his eyes wandered through the walls and ceilings, as if this was first time he entered a big room.

“Kids, from today onwards, we have a new friend with us,Mathew. Mathew was in Idukki and now they have come to Kanjirapally,from today onwards Mathew will be with us.

Mathew came and sat next to Xavier, Xavier became restless. The whole class became restless. Mathew was considered as an outcast.
******************************************************
Joe, believe me Mathew will not go to heaven, Alex looked into the old church which is far away from our Sunday school and told. Alex was making bubbles from the chewing gum; he passed one chewing gum to me. Why Alex? I asked. See he is dark. He is ugly. You will find dark and ugly people in hell only. Don’t you What Brother showed us last week. The pictures of heaven and hell. Heaven is full of white and neat people. They won’t let Mathew in, Alex laughed. But Alex, that is just a picture .Haven’t you seen St.Martin’s sculpture in our charch,he is dark. I replied. But Alex was not ready to accept. He is not from English medium school ,he doesn’t know how to read English or hindi.He doesn’t have jeans .All his shirts are torn. If you become his friend. I will not be your friend and I will never share my bubble gums and cards with you anymore. I felt sad.

******************************************************
Everyone was leaving the Sunday school. Sister Brigit’s words echoed in my mind.”Jesus will love him the most”. The Omni van passed me, Alex waived his hands from inside. I smiled at him waived my hands. I made sure that Alex’s van vanished from the sight. I looked around for Mathew. I searched for him everywhere. I couldn’t find him. I thought of leaving and I suddenly saw Mathew near the grotto.

Hey Mathew, I called him. Mathew was not surprised as I thought. What happened Joe? He smiled and asked. No, nothing, how will you go to house, I asked. I will walk, Mathew replied. Is your house near? I asked. It is near to your school Mathew replied. Oh that is too long, you will walk? I was surprised. Yes I walk every day Mathew replied. You are not going home? Mathew asked, Yes I am, I replied but thought of talking to you. This is your new t-shirt right? Mathew asked. Yes my uncle gave me, by the way how do you know? I became curious. Rosy was telling to Maria, he replied. A hundred stars twinkled in my heart. Rosy was the most beautiful girl in my Sunday school. She had blue yes, golden hair and dimples. I couldn’t believe it. You are lying, how did you know she told that?. I asked.
Joe, I am sitting at the back ,she is just opposite to my seat, I overheard them speaking. He replied. My love to Mathew increased, I thanked all guys who avoided Mathew and made him sit at the back bench.

What is your father? I asked Mathew. He remained silent. My father is in heaven, Mathew replied.”Ayyo,then who will pay your fees, I asked? I don’t have fees, that is why I am not studying in English Medium. What about your Mother? I asked?Amma is a tailor, she makes shirts and blouses. We don’t have money. That is why we came to here. We are staying in Amma’s house now.

I felt sad; Mathew’s eyes were not filled. They were just cold.

I am going to the Church, Mathew said,Why?I aksed.Come I will show you, Mathew replied.

I followed Mathew, we entered the Church. There were many sculptures of Saints inside the Church. St.Francis with Pigeons and jackal, St.Peter with a rooster, St.Thomas with a speare. St.Rocky with a dog. We were interested in the animals and birds. Mathew walked slowly without making any sound. We reached to left corner of the church; There was big statue of St.John the Baptist. It was taller than us, Just behind that statue Mathew showed me a very small nest and a small bird inside that, Mathew asked to me not to make sound. He waited there. After a few minutes, the bird flew away through the window. Mathew’s eyes sparkled; we saw four small eggs in that nest. I smiled at Mathew.

That night I saw a dream, Mathew was wearing a white glowing gown, standing next to Jesus. Rosy was having the wings and she was behind Jesus. She smiled at me.
**********************************************************************
I became close to Mathew, I sat with him. Sister Brigit kissed my forehead for making Mathew as my friend. Though Alex did not like me being with Mathew, he still gave me chocolates and bubble gums. Once in a blue moon Rosy smiled at me, Along with Mathew, I waited till her esteem car vanished from my sight

Months passed by, Christmas was nearing, we all were excited. That Sunday Mathew didn’t come to Sunday school. I felt sad, but I tried to concentrate in the class. Allan told He saw Mathew outside.
Sister Brigit called me out; there was a guava tree near to the convent. I saw Mathew was standing there along with a lady. Sister asked me to go and meet him.

Mathew smiled at me, Joe I am going to another Sunday school, Mathew said. I couldn’t believe my ears, but why? I asked. He looked behind. His mother was talking to a sister in the veranda, he held my hand, walked bit more ,he said ”Amma is getting married”, we don’t have money na, so to get money and to make me engineer, Amma is getting married. We are going to their place next week.

I couldn’t understand whatever he told. But what would you call him, I asked. Amma is telling me to call him Appa, but Appa is already in heaven, I won’t call him anything, I might call him uncle.
“Mathew, shall we go”, his mother’s voice broke my heart.Wait,I am coming, Mathew screamed.

I will become engineer Joe, I will learn English and Hindi, I will buy blue jeans ,like the one you are wearing, I will buy Cielo car and Tata Estate.
Don’t tell anyone that I am going, you are my only friend. Mathew smiled at me, I was about to weep. Mathew put his hand into his trousers pocket; he took out 3 trump cards and gave it to me.

I will come to meet you in my car, he whispered in my ears.”But how? you don’t know my house, I asked him. There will be computer in my car, I will type your name and it will show your house. He replied. I found it so convincing.

Mathew left.
******************************************************
First Sunday school after Christmas holidays.

Every one left, Church.I slowly walked towards St.John’s statue,I looked behind the statue. There was an en empty nest hanging there, I looked all around to see that small bird and his kids. But they had already left the place.

In my dreams, I still see a Cielo car, with a white computer inside, finding the address and coming to my home.

Sarah

“Are you in town??,The whatsApp icon was blinking ,Sarah’s message.”Yep, I am, what’s the matter? I asked. Will you be free in the evening, by 4 or 5, need to talk. I read that message again. I was quite surprised, its almost 3 or 4 months since I talked to her. She hardly calls, or messages and what’s there to talk, that too in person. Can we discuss it over phone, or should we really meet??I asked.We need to meet, It cant be discussed over phone,only if you are free. 

Sarah never uses short forms or symbols while texting, she types full words, with proper commas, punctuations etc. Sarah is completely against email language, a conservative English lover who strongly believes that the sms and email versions of English are really an insult to such a great language. ”k ,but where?’’I asked.4pm restaurant in lulu conventional centre, she replied. I know this place very well, Its almost a 5 star restaurant.”Well, let it be 4.40 Sarah, I replied.”OK” I got her message.

The plan of spending a pleasant Saturday evening sipping coffee from Indian Coffee house and roaming around the temple premises of Vadamkunathan was spoiled. I took a lavish shower, the fragrance of the new aloe vera soap made me stand under the shower for a long time, I forgot Sarah,I forgot her long curly untied hair, I forgot her remorseless attitude towards the world, I forgot her so called dominating nature. I forgot her scaring stares towards the eyes which scanned her voluptuous physique. I forgot the world. I forgot myself.

Eminem’s Life in a fast lane woke me up from my ecstacy. Somebody is calling. I finished the shower soon.I took my phone .3missed calls. It was Faizal. I called him back, Joe I lost my internet banking password, can you help? Its already 4 Faizal, I’m not in the bank brother .Saturday right ? You come Monday morning. I replied. No issues no issues, hey bro if you free come home, wife is preparing mutton kuruma. Faizal, a customer cum friend knows my love for food. That’s a tempting offer, but I’m sorry Faizal, some other day, Today I’m busy. Ok then see you on Monday. He hung up.

Sarah was already there, Restaurant was almost empty, there was a Muslim family in a corner 7 or 8 members. I saw Sarah’s car outside, Red Honda brio. Her face was tanned, adding on the attitude. She gave me a wry smile, long curly hairs, sharp nose, brown dry lipstick, a kundan studded metal necklace,A white and peach shaded sleeveless tunic top and a floral printed low waist harem pants, a ray ban black wayfarer specs. The tribal tattoo on her deltoid was seen. Her looks never reveals her real age, She was too stylish and trendy for 31 year old lady. She was having black coffee.

You were in Thrissur? I asked her. Nopes, she took a lip balm from her purple pouch, applied it on her dry lips ,looked outside the window keeping the balm inside the pouch. I came to meet you. She looked into my eyes. Sarah’s superiority complex always irritated me, but I was never bothered. You could ‘ve told me yesterday. What if I was not in town? I asked. Relax Joe. If you were not here, I would go back, It just takes a 1.30 hours to drive back to Cochin, so no big deal. What would you like to have,? this time she had a genuine smile. They have Brazilian black coffee here, bit expensive, but worth the money I replied. Today the treat is on me, You can order anything and everything Sarah winked, but they dint tell me about the Brazilian coffee she frowned.

So tell me mam, what’s the matter? I asked. Well Mr. Joe Tom, This Sarah Issac Pullokaran is leaving the tiring, de motivating and depressing City and flying to Madrid. I got my job confirmed. So I’m flying this Sunday. She finished it dramatically. Is she excited, but I could feel something burning in her mind. Well that’s great news, whats the job? I asked.

Ryan Ghosh, my friends brother has a creative agency there in Madrid, so from a brand manager from cochin to creative head in Madrid. She chuckled,and if I need your help again in something, I’ll call you. She winked again.No, I stopped that service ,I made a face. Creativity is not something you get for free, every time you call me and discuss about your ad themes, your script an takes my valuable suggestion and gets your pocket filled and I’m not paid even a single penny. I said.

LOL,HA HA she started laughing loud,oh baba that’s why I’m here today, to treat you for all your valuable services. he he,we both laughed. She couldn’t stop laughing, her laughter filled her eyes, slowly slowly her laughter was fading and I saw real tears in her eyes, her kajal was rolling down her cheeks along with the tears, its no more laughter, Sarah is crying.Hey Sarah, come on man what happend, is everything ok? I touched her arm,it was cold. 

Sarah took a tissue paper and wiped off her tears, I miss my Dad Joe, she was weeping, her voice shivered, I have never ever, not even in my wildest dreams imagined Sarah being weak like this. What happened to him??I was curious. Nothing Joe ,Its almost 6 years since I met him, since I talked to him. But why Sarah.??

I have always been an egoistic girl in my life,I got everything I wanted through my hard work.I was a rebel everywhere, My achievements made me more strong and cold. I was born and bought up in Delhi. Dad got transferred to Bangalore when I was doing my PUC. After that I went back delhi. Dad wanted me to get married soon after I finished college. I was not ready, I was not ready to change my life style or comforts for someone else. I was so firm and I decided I wouldn’t marry until I find someone who doesn’t want me to change my ways and believes.

I sipped my coffee. Sarah paused,she looked outside, took a deep breath. I felt like she was inhaling the old memories.

And then I found Charan. Charan was just like me, He was an architect, he was ambitious, career oriented ,he gave me my space. He was a North Indian Hindu and we decided to live together. We took an apartment in Delhi and started living together.
Dad was completely against the marriage when I told about Charan.I don’t know whether its the inter caste or the interstate, but Dad was completely against it and when I told him we already started living together, he was shattered. That day I left home.

Long Six years. She couldn’t control. I won’t blame Him Sarah,I nodded my head. Neither would I. Sarah gasped.

But its ok Sarah, You have got your perfect partner right? Nothing is free in this world, You had your love at one side and your family at the other side, and it’s all about priorities and you had chosen yours. You should be strong enough to live with the consequences of the decisions you take in your life. Its law of nature. Its the law of life.
You are right Joe, law of life. She smiled, she wiped of her dry tears from her face.
Forget everything, You have a family right, your husband, we never discussed all these things, your kids, thats your world. Live that life. By the way are they coming with you to Madrid?I asked.

She smiled the same old wry smile. Sarah opened her leather bag, took out few papers and gave it to me.

I don’t know what went through my head when I read it. I looked at Sarah,I was perplexed.

I GOT DIVORCED JOE...last Friday. It didn’t work.

There was no coffee left in my cup.

Tell me the Woman’s name you love most in this world. Sarah asked.
My Mom, I smiled.
I don’t have a kid to say so. She said, her face was so cold.

We stood near her car

Joe ,I don’t want to come back to India, but I don’t know what will happen. I don’t have anybody here. I have annoyed you a lot in many ways, but you have always been nice to me. You have always been a great friend, she paused. You know I wouldn’t drive from Cochin to Thrissur to just see some one who helped me in creating some ads or scripts. I mean it.

All the best Sarah

She came close to me and hugged me. Find a cute girl Joe; it’s a great feeling to love and to be loved. She whispered in my ears. She patted me.

The car vanished.

I had a whole night left, but I had no clue what to do